As far as I can tell, a young-adult novel is a regular novel that people actually read.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Try to be like someone and you'll lose the beauty of being you

Some people seem to put the devil on a par with God. Actually, Satan is a fallen angel.

Darkness will always be...its own master...

I think there's a certain space people have decided I occupy - the funny-sidekick thing.

Athlete or not, I’m going to make sure you know how to read.

It's not easy for me to admit that I've been standing in the same place for 18 years.

When it comes to finances, it matters less how much money you make and more how you spend it.

When the temperamental and unconventional people are not mere plagiarists of dead eccentrics, they lack, in almost every case, thehistoric sense.

Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs.

The challenge when you think about product distribution is: how are you competing for potential customers or potential members time?