Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives.

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

Oh, to me not drinking is like being dead, almost. I sit here taking endless journeys down memory lane. It gets boring.

I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974.

Journalism is the only thinkable alternative to working.

The more necessary it becomes to stop drinking, the more impossible it becomes to stop.

What a pity people don't take as much trouble with their own breeding as intelligent racehorse owners do. But then I suppose it is bordering on fascism to think like that.

My misdeeds are accidental happenings and merely the result of having been in the wrong bar or bed at the wrong time, say most days between midday and midnight.

It's not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day with the likes of Francis Bacon or that boring drunk Dylan Thomas. You don't forget things like that.

I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn't diagnose a decapitation.

In most betting shops you will see three windows marked 'Bet Here', but only one window with the legend 'Pay Out'.

Each thing you add to your story is a drop of paint falling into clear water

Though you may be paid minimum wage, to the customers you are the face of the entire company.

You said you were going for a walk!? What kind of walk takes six hours?" "A long one?

Reagan is doing to the country what he can no longer do to his wife.

Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.

It's simply human nature to have an occasional, fleeting interest in someone whom you once loved.

I'm at the stage in life where I get a lot of pleasure out of finding a cheap stock.

Do as the beautiful woman: see to your figure and your petticoats. Though, of course, I am not speaking literally.

If I could play drums like Patrick Carney or Taylor Hawkins, I'd be a really happy person.

Right now, half the world is depressed and they need to be entertained.