Jeffrey Bernard Quotes
Oh, to me not drinking is like being dead, almost. I sit here taking endless journeys down memory lane. It gets boring.
I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974.
The more necessary it becomes to stop drinking, the more impossible it becomes to stop.
What a pity people don't take as much trouble with their own breeding as intelligent racehorse owners do. But then I suppose it is bordering on fascism to think like that.
My misdeeds are accidental happenings and merely the result of having been in the wrong bar or bed at the wrong time, say most days between midday and midnight.
It's not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day with the likes of Francis Bacon or that boring drunk Dylan Thomas. You don't forget things like that.
I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn't diagnose a decapitation.
In most betting shops you will see three windows marked 'Bet Here', but only one window with the legend 'Pay Out'.
There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.
One of the things that goes with getting older is that one becomes more conservative - and I emphasise that when I use the word conservative I do not mean politically.
Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day.
When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate.
The only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. Not a very good reason to want to go, but as good as any, I suppose.
I don't remember ever being full of dislike and hatred for people, like some kids I've come across now.
But you've got to have money for comfort, which obviously doesn't matter as much when you're young, but even so. I always like to bloody eat well and be warm. Have a drink when I want it.
Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives.
