Adverbs and cops always come in pairs.

Money can't buy happiness—but it can buy beer.

I had never liked bullying of any sort, especially when an individual acquires his courage by becoming part of a faceless mob. I always say if you need fake courage, get it out of a bottle like I do.

... occasionally I see rich-looking women on Rollerblades gripping leashes and being towed bodily by golden retrievers. That's my kind of jogging.

A lot of artists start out as failed poets, then move on to being failed short-story writers before they finally break through to the big time and become failed novelists.

Being a cab river is not unlike being a magician--minus the top hat, the cape, the rabbit, an the gorgeous assistant. But you do have an audience.

I was in the land of fakes and frauds and phonies-I felt like saying “Howdy cousin,” to everybody who walked by.

It's a funny thing about writing. You get so balled up in a story idea that you lose your perspective and forget that human being might read your words someday.

I've been broke, and I've been in debt, and broke is better.

I was driving pretty much the way everyone drives in LA, like elephants dancing on each others’ backs at a circus.

She looked confused. She looked off-balance. That's a technique I employ to get dates, and it always works.

Well, we tell our kids things like 'don't gossip' and then an hour later they hear us on the phone. Stuff like that.

No matter what the statistics say there is always a way.

I can act normally, and I can go out, but people around you don't act normally. If it was normal, I'd go out and have my dinner and nobody would be video-phoning me eating my dinner.

Let’s not talk about how I am. It’s a subject I know too much about to want to think about anymore.

Fools, when their roof-tree falls, think it doomsday.

There is always backlash. Everything gets backlash.

You can't tell a story linearly if you want people to understand.

Dancers today can do anything; the technique is phenomenal. The passion and the meaning to their movement can be another thing.

I am not of the impression that an overwhelming amount Hip Hop artists are super savvy on Broadway and it's goings-on, but who knows.

You're so nice. You're not good, you're not bad, You're just nice. I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right. I'm the witch. You're the world.