According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Spending time with you showed me what I’ve been missing in my life.

You can think something is one way all your life, and it turns out you're wrong, it can be something else entirely.

No matter what life throws at you, fight with your eyes wide open to fight a good fight.

Life has ill-prepared me for finding any enjoyment in a press of merrymakers.

He came after Homer and before Gertrude Stein, a difficult interval for a poet.

The scope of material I can work with is not limited to the set of things that we inherit from nature.

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

Cecil Jacobs is a big wet hen!

In real life, events seem much less dramatic.

We do agree that our country must take action to address climate change.