A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

... science must sometimes be treated as a possible enemy.

The struggles waged by nations are weak only when they lack support in the hearts of their women.

I don't see any difference in the craft of acting, in film or television. It's absolutely the same. It's different storytelling, playing a character over multiple hours, as opposed to two.

How can a young man like to wear a beard?

I regard this novel as a work without redeeming social value, unless it can be recycled as a cardboard box.

The friendliness and charity of our countrymen can always be relied upon to relieve their fellow citizens in misfortune.

And the idea of ourselves is our escape from the fact what we really are.

All my life I had a rapport with black caddies.

I dig my heels in every now and then, and think 'I'm not going to do what's expected or what people think is the right thing.' So I have a little bit of that in my personality.

Any fool can take a bad line out of a poem; it takes a real pro to throw out a good line.