A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Being kind is more important than being right.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

If you give customers a chance, they’ll communicate with you in many ways.

A piece of paper doesn't make you a pastor any more than making predictions makes you a prophet.

The greatest danger to the State is independent intellectual criticism.

A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom.

Say heat. Say wet between my legs. Say legs. Seriously, I want you to. Stockings. Whisper it. The word is meant to be whispered.

God is coming to intersect us in our funeral processions.

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like to look back on all this. Whether it will seem real.

Giving never moves in a straight line - it always moves in circles.

Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.

Perhaps the best cure for the fear of death is to reflect that life has a beginning as well as an end.