A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!!

Remember never to text and drive, it's bad grammar, even if you have a deadline. You might cross the line and dead may be your destination. Think about it!!

Thought about being a stand up comedienne for zombies, but when they eat you alive, they really eat you!!

Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!

Just out of sight around a bend in the river there's always a small island full of magic and mystery just waiting for you.

I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!

I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!

I have my moments, I just can't remember where I put them.

Turn your diodes this way and pulse...

If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?

I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.

If atheism solved all human woe, then the Soviet Union would have been an empire of joy and dancing bunnies, instead of the land of corpses.

Communication is about being effective, not always about being proper.

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

Today, Arizona's sons and daughters, mothers and fathers are proudly serving their country.

Things don't exist until they exist.

Let no man break the laws of the land, for he that keepeth the laws of God hath no need to break the laws of the land.

Islam is not about “we’re better than you”. Rather it is about “let me show you something that is better for you

Reduction! One wants to say more than nature and one makes the impossible mistake of wanting to say it with more means than she, instead of fewer.

Proclaim the only truth you can be totally sure of: "I don't know."

I'm a registered conservative.