,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

If you were three times poor, I would still have paid attention to you and fell head over heels in love with you.

He's been dead for so many years, but I'm still trying to impress him. That's what gave me my drive. 'Look at me, Dad, I've succeeded.'

Meditate on your own and refine your consciousness. Tighten up your life. Constantly examine your life and look for weak points. You know what's going on in your life.

Religion struck me so vague a thing at best, that I could perceive no advantage of any one system over any other.

Dead men are not friends to living men, and give them no gifts. (Ghan-buri-Ghan, of allies during war)

Let your desires be ruled by reason.

I have vague memories, like impressions on glass plates.

There's nothing in the world for which a poet will give up writing, not even he is a Jew and the language of his poems is German.

Greed is normally balanced by fear.

The tradition you have at the University of Texas is like no other. It helped me in the future where I got to play in 2 cities that were rich in tradition.