Humor Quotes
I get out of the car, and I'm blasted by the stench of body odor. Cricket is beside me, and he's talking, but his words don't reach my ears.Because it's my mother.Smelling.On my porch.
She had only two modes of operation: complete control or complete insanity.
When I lose control, I lose my cool and I pass the point of no RTN.
When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence.
When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence.From The Wife Drought
Don't forget to give Neville our love!' Ginny told James as she hugge
The roof was torn off the gym. God's way of telling the jocks that they'd better remember who's really charge.
Registration Day' by Gavin Gunhold (1899— ) Toronto Review of Poetry, 1947On registration day at taxidermy schoolI distinctly saw the eyes of the stuffed mooseMove.
teacher:"I'm teacher, not because i want to teach children something. I am teacher just because I like to correct the tests.
The children start school now in August. They say it has to do with air-conditioning, but I know sadism when I see it.
School never teaches you about this mangled human slime, it slays me. You spend all your time learning the capital of Surinam while these retards carve their initials in your back.
I'll pluck out my eye with a pencil and eat it with a Spam and mustard sandwich IF ONLY you'll sit me at lunch today, MacKenzie!
When you're reaching the end of the semester and you just wanna die. Coffin Making 101 is literally killing me.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Hey, get a load of those two! It must be mating season or something...
Creative problem solving is not necessarily tantamount to cheating.
I realized everyone around me was wearing a uniform. Black pants, white button-down shirts, green ties. Gotta love the smell of institutional equality in the morning.
As Melissa got closer, the taste of school began to foul her mouth.
I love having to attend the one class that is being taught by a professor who feels that their class is the only class being taught at the University and gives nothing but busy work.
On the board, Mr. Beery had written "Those who don't remember history are doomed to repeat it." I wasn't sure if this was meant to be inspirational, thematic, or a joke about making sure to study.
It's like pretending to be Santa and then stabbing someone with a candy cane!
I whispered across the bars to Jackaby as I rose, "Shall I tell them the truth?""Have you killed anyone?" he asked, quietly."No, of course not!""Then I can't imagine why you shouldn't.
It's a terrible thing, what we did, ” said Francis abruptly. “I mean, this man was not Voltaire we killed. But still. It’s a shame. I feel bad about it.
The carriage could only clop along at about ten miles per hour, which only accentuated Imogene’s excitement. She urged it onward: "Fly, horse, fly!
Don't make me cover your face with a pillow until you see my side of things.""Isn't that called murder?
You know, when the list of people who have a really good reason to want you dead covers more than two sheets of paper, you might want to start rethinking your life choices.
Don’t go, ” said Cedric. “Murder has made you practically one of the family.
... Play the age as comedy if you want to get away with murder.
I could think of no better place to secretly murder someone than inside a fridge. Well, actually there were probably several better ones, but none came to mind at the time.
The police, finding a corpse with twenty-eight stab wounds in a bathtub, suspected foul play.
He expects us to kill him, " Palomides said to Dinadan."Some people are so demanding, " Dinadan replied. "Considering we've only just met, I mean.
You know you’re dealing with a numpty when her saving grace is that she didn’t help to cover up a murder.
John Wesley’s own grave holds the bones of many other people, including at least five ministers. One can only imagine the bickering.
At weddings old people poke me and say, "you're next, " so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
When I am old and addled I will make coronets like Cad, that have nothing to do with history, but represent the whimsy and cobwebs in my brain.
Never get old. It's a ridiculously uncomfortable process Ath Creator should be made to find a cure for.
His age was indeterminate. But in cynicism and general world weariness, which is a sort of carbon dating of the personality, he was about seven thousand years old.
Mamma says she is quite certain that "how old is too old?" is not a question known to the Lord.