Humor Quotes

Indeed, one concern would be that the initial neoconservative response to a zombie outbreak would be to invade Iraq again out of force of habit.

I came from a disadvantaged home. They were Republicans.

Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.

I had no vote in the making of such a law, and I have no intention of abiding by it, either.

You don't get to be the president of anything if you have bad manners.

Senior Republicans certainly expected the president to come clean over Miss Lewinsky.

The race will find that capitalists and communists modify themselves so much during the ages that they end by being indistinguishable as democrats...

The only real recourse that [Russian] people had against tsarist rule was violence and rebellion. It was once remarked that Russia's constitution was "absolutism moderated by assassination.

Clarification is not to clarify things. It is to put one’s self in the clear (Sir Humphrey Appleby)

It will be like having an extreme close-up in high definition to examine each freckle, while failing to notice whether the person is even wearing pants.

You did a politics project on a government that got overthrown on the due date? Man, did anybody ever tell you you've got no luck?""I suspected it, " said Raymond ironically.

The moment you vote, you are a citizen. But moment you make your vote public, you are a politician.

Help yourself with the state! It's on democracy!

— Why did blondes vote for Clinton? — They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious!

Far too many Americans formulate their own personal expert opinions based on the Golden Rule and the Eight-second Soundbyte.

The commandment was to ‘Love thy neighbor, ’ not ‘Love thy government.

Word of the day- kakistocracy. From the Greek meaning government by the worst persons, least qualified or most unprincipled.

Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life.

It is in the midst of laughter that our perspective alters and we realize this trying life can still be enjoyed.

How much is real and for how long..

I don't have any special talents, just an ordinary desire to live like a human being.

Is it time for your period, or somet

First rule of cleavage: it's not how low you go, but where and when you show.

I try to make my comments like a woman's skirt: long enough to be respectable and short enough to be interesting.

Lucifer will be furious with you for failing, but it's not like he can do anything about it. Women don't always do what you want, even if you're Lord of the Underworld.

Enough about my beauty, " Buttercup said. "Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.

Gruff, ” I said, “I find myself largely clueless about why mortal women do what they do. It will take a wiser man than me to understand what’s in a fae woman’s mind.

Besides, when I look around me at the men, I feel that God never meant us women to be too particular.

Cheap jewelry, however, is worse than no jewelry at all, and there are very few things in life than are worse than no jewelry at all.

And I was fairly certain that my strong-enough-for-King-Kong-but-made-for-a-woman deodorant had utterly failed. --Doom with a View

Goddammit! How does the world keep spinning with women on the planet?"Ian St. John in THE POMPEII SCROLL

It simply isn’t a woman’s nature to be silent for prolonged periods of time.

I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.

Girls can do anything boys can do in high heels!

He turned to Miss Minerva. "I'm relying on you, at any rate. You've got a good mind. Anybody can see that.""Thank you, " she said."As good as a man's, " he added."Oh, now you've spoiled it!

You’re a fool, ” Quinhelm accused. “Any man who would allow himself to be bewitched by a woman needs a good dunking in a cold barrel of water.” (Quinhelm, the wizard, from BRIGGEN)

She feels a little sad. Is she sad? Helen considers an alternative: She is dehydrated.

A bumper sticker from the 1970s read, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Morganith snorted and didn’t lower her weapon. “One girl can cause alotta trouble, Hari. You and I are proofa that.

Men weigh love with hands.

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife.

Walking through life, we spend most of our energy choosing the right shoes.

Females are very simple, with them, yes means yes, & no means yes, & no means no, & no means maybe, but maybe means yes, & maybe means no!

Everyone is allowed a weakness, even women of the twentieth century.

I would describe her more as a knitter than a doer.

I was amazed at how strong women were when they were angry.

Who? Mr. Dalton has his hand firmly on Grace's elbow, as though she can't manoeuvre herself through the blockade of tables and chairs.She could fly right through you, thinks Jack.

If you want to impress a lady, respect her, because respect is an impressive act itself

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.

Hap sighed. If he could change one thing about Umber-besides his constant need for the thrill of exploration-it would be his obsession with secrets and surprises.