Humor Quotes

I think we should keep the grain and export the farmers.

Please assure me that you are all Republicans.

Australians, we've got a very healthy sense of humor in us. God forbid we take ourselves too seriously so it's kind of a cultural trait.

My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes.

FANTASTIC! There is such clarity and so much humor in Stetch’s playing! I have always loved that about him.

Nature, it appears, has been rather more bountiful to Paul's body and purse than to his intellect; above the ears, speaking bluntly, the boy is strictly tapioca.

I like actors. I like their insecurities, their humor and their intelligence.

The most fatal disease of friendship is gradual decay, or dislike hourly increased by causes too slender for complaint, and too numerous for removal.

We [me and Eugene Levy] both try to play the reality of a moment and don't try to impose humor on something where it doesn't belong. Contrary to what other people seem to think sometimes.

I love National Geographic. Just when you think you've seen the last lost native tribe, National Geographic will find a new one.

I love humor. I always will fall back on humor. That's something that I think you can't ever get enough of and, if it's done well, it's great. When it's bad, it's horrible.

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

To me, humor is part of a conversation with an audience.

If humor is not present, I tend to be concerned about the artist, or distrusting of what they're presenting - unless there is an obvious tragedy being talked about.

If I know what something's about, and I can always have that touchstone, I feel like I can reach for really ridiculous humor and also go really dark in terms of the things I'm afraid of.

Nothing seems too high or low for the humorist; he is above honor, above faith, preserving sense in religion and sanity in life.

I have no patience with anyone born after World War II. You have to explain everything to these people.

Written with passion, honesty, humor, and a stubborn, rebellious optimism, Dear Marcus is like nothing I've ever read. When a bullet in the back told Jerry McGill not to go on, Jerry went on-smiling.

I could tell you what my good qualities are. There's my honesty; I have a very wacky, kind of dry humor that a lot of people don't get to see.

I said it jokingly, so this guy was just trying to stir something up that's not there. He's just somebody who doesn't have a sense of humor, like I do.

Ghetto humor is the social twin of fantasy; together they sustain the powerless, who accomplish miracles through illusion.

I love life, and I have a lot of gratitude. There have been a lot of bumps in the road, but my sense of humor gets me through a lot.

He was through playing games. When it came to Soteria, he had no sense of humor whatsoever. Anyone who threatened her, ended their life. It was that simple.

You smoke? (Randy) Only when I’m on fire. (Steele) I don’t appreciate your humor, Mr. Steele. (Randy) I’m an acquired taste. (Steele)

You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face.

I like books that are funny, but that aren't trying to be funny. I like situational humor.

The British civil service ... is a beautifully designed and effective braking mechanism.

America is deeply rooted in Negro culture: its colloquialisms; its humor; its music.

I think it's important to have a good sense of humor and joke around with your kids. That's what I do a lot.

Since I became a knitting humor writer, I seem to be understood a little better - at least for the purposes of social discourse.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

Trust, a sense of humor, and don't let the sun go down on an argument without trying to make it up. That's all I know about good marriage. I've been married a long time - it seems to be working.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

A remarkable memoir that's packed with anecdotes, advice and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness.

Any type of humor can be transferred to the screen, as long as there's clarity. The audience wants to know just what they're supposed to be feeling, when they're supposed to laugh.

It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.

Without love, without humor, yoga is just a lot of hard work.

Art Modell was a visionary, a deal-maker and a friend. And he possessed a marvelous sense of humor.