Funny Quotes

-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."-"It was stupid.

Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no!

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.

Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.

This is an Aston Martin, Gin.You don't run over dead bodies in an Aston Matin.""Tell that to James Bond

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?

. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends?

Oh, " she said, in a very different way. "Well. Thanks for my part in the compliment. Naturally I'd love to be watched and controlled, but I think I may be washing my hair that day.

Nobody calls me 'blondie' and keeps their kneecaps.

Yeah, ” said Harry. “No more pretending we care what happens when Jupiter and Uranus get too friendly .

I swore I'd never become some lord's brainless arm ornament and political host, but I've become far worse. I'm a glorified housekeeper and sperm donor. -from the journal of Payton Marcus Townsend.

Say, ‘Thank you, Phin.’ ”“Oh, please.”“Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. ”“I don’t think so.”“Say, ‘You are a great lover, Phin.’ ”“I’m out of here.

Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would much rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own —”“That’s enough, Phineas, ” said Dumbledore.

Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I'd obviously stop. And then I'd watch you die."Kate to Will

Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?

I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.

Small men oft feel a need to prove their courage with unseemly boasts, " he declared. "I doubt if he could kill a duck."Tyrion shrugged. "Fetch the duck.

Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?

Anything for you, Dru. And I mean it. Now, be quiet and let me concentrate.

It was like hiking into a Hemingway story everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext.

You have food?" Winter scolded. "I thought you said you were hungry."I'm hungry for other things besides what I have, " [Clover] argued.

Harley-Davidson, " she said. "Sweet.

this was business.

All right, " Shannen says slowly, tucking a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Why did you glue that dolphin upside down?" Okay, so I'm a little distracted. "He's doing the back stroke.

Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.

Why were you watching me change?" I explain. "Uh, 'cause I'm a guy?" He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes again.

And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead.

Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.

I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.

Men forget everything women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

He's like a man with a fork, in a world of soup. (about his brother Liam)

You can't just call the Praetor. It's not like 1-800-WEREWOLF.

I'd rather have rabies than be in love.""Why?""Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots.

He'd gone from sixteen to seventy-five in a matter of seconds, but the old-man smell happened instantly, like boom. Congratulations! You stink!

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.

When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party!

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.

I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it, because when they fired me, I had to show up to work anyway.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.

It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, yourbeard’s stupid.”“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of usgetting along so well.

His eyes widened. Oh, hell, you think I'm going to let him bite me? No way. It's too risky and way too guy.

I think you must be some kind of a freak. Either that or you’re trying toconvert me to your secret horse religion.”“Darn, you got me, ” she says theatrically. “You thwarted my evil plan.

Um i'm happy to sit close to you and everything, but i had no idea you would like it so much, ' Paris muttered.

You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap.

OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!"*smack*J-just now, that made a really loud noise.."Do you wanna hear it again?"N-no, you'll just hit me again!"Kyo and Tohru

Want a little cheese with that whine, maestro?