Funny Quotes
P.S. If you do not receive this, of course it must have been miscarried; therefore I beg you to write and let me know.
You could be adding gasoline to a roaring fire. We understand that. But this is who we are.
The challenge is, well, there's a huge challenge, which is when you're improvising, you're meant to sort of clear your mind completely, just be open and funny, and paying, you know, paying attention.
I could have written a misery memoir and instead I tried to make it funny. I never complained.
If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.
My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts.
It will work out, somehow. That's a hell of a duo right there, Marbury, Crawford and Houston.
It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
I just draw what I think is funny, and I hope other people think it is funny, too.
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.
I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.
Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
My family's always been really funny. I feel like comedy's hard. I feel like it's so important.
Muhammad Ali: Superman Don't need no seat belt. Flight Attendant: Superman Don't need no airplane, either.
By the ruler's cultivation of his own character there is set up the example of the course which all should pursue.
While you are not able to serve men, how can you serve spirits of the dead...While you do not know life, how can you know about death
It's funny I'm in some ways hopelessly masculine, but I don't fish, I don't hunt, I'm not that into sports. I can't fix a car. I think it's my point of view and the way I see the world.
Usually the script is much more funny than the film turns out to be, in my case. The script is almost like a comic book but when you start making it, for some reason the film gets very serious.
The trouble is the kind of guy I want to go out with doesn't even exist... Like a rugged, chain-smoking, intellectual, adventurer guy who's really serious, but also really funny and mean.
I love to make things. If I have some free time and you have a dollar and a dream and you are making something funny and cool I'd love to be a part of it.
I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
Wasn't Winston Churchill the first black president of America? There's a statue of him near me... that's black.
Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.
First, a few words about this title. It isn't easy, coming up with book titles. A lot of the really good ones are taken. Thin Thighs in 30 Days, for example. Also The Bible.
The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service.
I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.