Comments Quotes

I never said "I want to be alone." I only said "I want to be left alone." There is all the difference.

In baiting a mousetrap with cheese always leave room for the mouse.

In the ant's house the dew is a flood.

Judas needed the money for a sick friend.

Judge Crater - please call your office.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.

He wouldn't give a duck a drink if he owned Lake Michigan.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put his pants on.

Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband.

Kiss principle: Keep it simple stupid.

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

Sherard Blaw the dramatist who had discovered himself and who had given so unstintingly of his discovery to the world.

The Right Honourable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.

Her face was her chaperone.

Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.

When people don't want to come nothing will stop them.

More and more these days I find myself pondering on how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.

Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.

Include me out.

A hole is nothing at all but you can break your neck in it.

Mother: It's broccoli dear. Child: I say it's spinach and I say the hell with it.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

In uplifting get underneath.

If there were any justice in the world people would be able to fly over pigeons for a change.

When the mouse laughs at the cat there's a hole nearby.

The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now if I was a grave digger or even a hangman there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

God made me on a morning when he had nothing else to do.

Nothing succeeds like one's own successor.

In California everyone goes to a therapist is a therapist or is a therapist going to a therapist.

We also serve who only punctuate.

There's a wonderful family called Stein There's Gert and there's Epp and there's Ein: Gert's poems are bunk Epp's statues are junk And no one can understand Ein.

Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

Parsely is gharsley.

Epitaph to a waiter: By and by God caught his eye.

A dimple in the chin a devil within.

The butler entered the room a solemn procession of one.

And what's a butterfly? At best He's but a caterpillar drest.

If I look like this I need the trip.

As old as the itch.

Early to bed early to rise work like hell and advertise.

Tis better than riches To scratch when it itches.

Bland as a Jesuit sober as a hymn.

I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception.

'Are you lost daddy?' I asked tenderly. 'Shut up ' he explained.

Geography is about maps But biography is about chaps.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves.

I used to be snow-white . . . but I drifted.

Equal opportunity is good but special privilege even better.

A man of words and not of deeds Is like a garden full of weeds.