Comedy Quotes

Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am-Luna Lovegood

Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.''Girls don't shave', Arya said.'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs?

I passed out from stress? That’s it?”“I believe the princess term is fainted, ” said Thorne.

His eyebrows pulled in. “You won’t leave me, right? Even when I’m a pain in the ass?”“I vowed in front of God – and Elvis – that I wouldn’t, didn’t I?

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.

Are you okay?" I (Cassie) call up to him."Um. Define okay." (Ben)"Okay means you're not bleeding to death.""I'm okay.

But there's a juicy artery in your groin, " he said after a pause to regroup, his voice as slithery as a snake on a slide."Don't you talk dirty, " I told him. "I won't listen to that.

That’s us, ” he said. “Those five nuts right there.”Which one is me?” I asked.The little deformed one, ” Zoe suggested.Oh, shut up.

She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble.

So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time.

Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones.

Not one word, " Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding." Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.

It's sometimes funny to watch some people doing something the wrong way but doing it confidently. Even more funny, they succeeded.

Vic knelt by Lucas's side. 'You look like crap, by the way.''Thanks for breaking it to me gently.' Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned.

I lost a horse today.''That sounds careless. What happened?''She jumped off a cliff.''A cliff! Is that normal?

Be a Samurai.Because you just never know what's behind the freaking sky.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.

Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?" he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks?

I may not have been completely honest about that.""You? Less than truthful? I'm shocked, Nikolai. Shocked and horrified.

Come on, " I said, taking his hand. Clutching the afghan with the other hand, he trailed down the hall after me, a snow white giant in tiny red underwear.

Her voice was now so shrill only bats would be able to hear it soon, but she had reached a level of indignation that rendered her temporarily speechless..

In the war room, love? What if someone comes in?”I stood and removed his shirt. “Then they’ll have a good story to tell.”“Good?” He adopted the pretense of being offended.“Prove me wrong.

Does it hurt?”He bent his head and lightly kissed her forehead. “Only when I laugh.”“I’ll try not to be funny.”“Epic fail, beautiful.

If god meant for people to talk into cellphones, he would've put our mouths on the side of our heads.

Dearest Annie, Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m using my hand But I’m thinking of you. - Ronan P.S. Just to clarify, I’m using my hand to write this note…get your mind out of the gutter.

A man touched me: his hand... my thigh.I touched him too: my fist... his jaw.

What are you?” he demanded. “A slayer?" I rolled my eyes. “The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond cheerleader with questionable taste in men?

He slowed down a bit more. "Gaia, how do you know these things?" She shrugged. "I'm smart." "And modest, too." "Modesty is a waste of time, " she pronounced. "I'll keep that in mind.

Hayden?""Yes, Gia?""Nothing I just wanted to say your name

I'm sure I look like a drowned cat.""You look fine. The wet look works for you."I scowled. "Now I know you're lying.

hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home, " I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you, " he says.

Honestly, Clary, if you don't start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority I just don't know what I'll do with you.

Please tell me this is easier to take off than it was to put on.”Calla raised a brow. “You do not think Master Kell knows how?

CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun…and live to tell about it the next day.

Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry, " Archer offered.

I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma.""You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma.

And so that means...""We have to rob the Henley, " Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. "Again.

WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!

I think so, ” she [Claire] said. “Just watch your back, okay?” “Nah, Michael’s got mine.” He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.“I’ve got yours.

The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless.

I only snatched him to get your attention, ” I said. “Now that I’ve got it, this is what I want.”“Damn my dame!” Al shouted, hands raised to the ceiling. “I knew it! Not another list!

And you look beautiful, " she added."I look like a cake.""But a beautiful cake.

He didn't want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here

I'm going to take a shower, " I said and prepared for the comment I knew was coming. "You know what they say, conserve water and shower with a friend.

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

When I was alive, I mean the first time, Mussolini was in charge. We were at war.”“Mussolini?” Leo frowned. “Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?

But Amy, " Elder says. "Space suits!

I'm way hot, " he muttered. "But I don't feel sick. Just — way hot."Fang