Comedy Quotes
I’m now ‘Doctor’ to the patients and I have to cover my ignorance by waving my arms and looking grave.
And they certainly wouldn’t take you along to a murder. That would be irresponsible parenting.
I needed something else, some kind of juice.He gave me a hooked-eyebrow glance and took a showy swig of the water. Mmm, he said, smacking his lips. Water-juice. It's fantastic.
I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it's for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.
I'm starved." -Juli"How can you be starved? You just ate a huge bowl of popcorn." -Elspeth"Popcorn isn't food, it's popcorn." -Vicki
I prefer noodles when they're raw, they taste just as good, but reward you with a satisfying crunch...
Ala!" Echo sprang to her feet, legs tangled in the sheets. The Ala was here. The Ala had brought food. The Ala was a goddess
When in doubt, know your way out, I always say.""I thought you always said, 'When in doubt, blame the dark elves.'""Well, yeah, that
The whole point of straws, I had thought, was that you did not have to set down the slice of pizza to suck a dose of Coke while reading a paperback.
In geometry, whenever we had to find the area of a circle, pi * radius squared, I would get really hungry for pie. Square pie.
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
There you are. A simple commandment. Not ten of them, just one: 'Thou shalt not eat.' (Personally, I wish the very first edict from God hadn't involved dieting, don't you?)
What smells good may not always taste good, I leaned this the day I tried to eat a scented candle.
I don't have a car."His eyes sliced into mine. "I walked here, " I explained. "I'm on foot.""Angel, " he said in a way that sounded like he sincerely hoped I was joking.
Do you think they're going to buy that a guy in tacky leather chaps dances like this?" I scoffed when he twirled me back into his emb
Wanted: Steel toed Bible thumpers to reach a monster truck mad world.
Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring.
I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.
I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.
Being less discriminative shouldn't mean protecting nasty people, then discriminating against the innocent
The choices that women make sometimes seems provoking and at the same time amusing. I once met a lady who said she liked my amusing facial expression.
Monsters, show me the monsters: these people out on the street. My people.
It seemed to us that all people to a greater or lesser degree belong to one of these two types, that almost every one of us resembles either Don Quixote or Hamlet.
Offstage, I couldn't put things into words, and that was the one thing I'd always been able to rely on. Putting my feelings into words and praying they wouldn't be able to get out again.
All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent
It’s possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God is Great, what do atheists shout when they do it?
A woman who is praying and a woman who is having fun, they both say " Oh My God", the only difference is how they pronounce it.
He returned my smile with a half grin. "So what do you blog about? Knitting? Puzzles? Being lonely?
I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee.
So? I know lots of beautiful women. Nova wanted to chase... I merely obliged her by running.
Yes! Yes! There's the attitude. Where was that girl during the race? Off getting sushi?
Thank you. For being willing to talk. For not turning me in. For... being you.''I'm pretty good at being me, ' I said. 'I've had all these years to practice--I hardly ever get it wrong these days.