Terry Pratchett Quotes

History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it

Humans need fantasy in order to be human.

It's the end game that people dread and that's what I'm scared of

Many an ancient lord's last words have been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.'

When they're standing right in front of you, kings are a kind of speech impediment.

I thought jet planes were just trucks with more wings and less wheels.

I'm fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like something you put up in the rain.

You know I've never agreed with baths. Sittin' around in your own dirt like that.

Quit while you're a head, that's what I say.

No one knew where you were before you were born, but when you were born, it wasn't long before you found you'd arrived with your return ticket already punched.

Fascism may be good at making the trains run on time, but you wouldn't like some of the destinations.

I'm up to my neck in the real world, every day. Just you try doing your VAT return with a head full of goblins.

History tends to change people who think they're changing it.

A true beanie should have a propellor on the top.

Belief was never mentioned at home, but right actions were taught by daily example.

I dare say that quite a few people have contemplated death for reasons that much later seemed to them to be quite minor.

YOU FEAR TO DIE? "It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break.

Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again.

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.

It was like being in a Jane Austen novel, but one with far less clothing.

I think," he said, "I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.

There will be justice," said Brutha. "If there is no justice, there is nothing.

Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it!

- DON’T WORRY, IT WON’T BE FOREVER. - Good. - IT MAY SEEM LIKE FOREVER.

Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel!

Smaller-than-Medium-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock

Why not? If enough people believe, you can be god of anything.

But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him.

Either dragons should exist completely or fail to exist at all, he felt. A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes.

Fate can be one mean god at times.

If you kept changing the way people saw the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself.

Man just went past with a cat on his head.

"God does not play games with His loyal servants," said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice. "Whooo-eee," said Crowley. "Where have you been?"

Just to keep bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

Mort was hurt by this. It was one thing not to want to marry someone, but quite another to be told they didn't want to marry you.

No one's policing their own minds more than an author. You spend a lot of time in your own head analysing what you think about things, and a philosophy comes.

An author writes a book, and that's the book at that point. And if the author writes the book again, then somehow something has gone wrong, if you see what I mean.

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is.

They'd smash up the world if they thought it would make a pretty noise.

Even the blind and meek and voiceless have gods.

If Not You, Who Else?

It was so loud and so deep, it wasn't really sound at all, just something that turned the air hard and then hit you with it.

They think written words are even more powerful,’ whispered the toad. ‘They think all writing is magic. Words worry them. See their swords? They glow blue in the presence of lawyers.

Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do?

Whut's the plan, Rob?" said one of them. "Okay, lads, this is what we'll do. As soon as we see somethin', we'll attack it. Right?" This caused a cheer. "Ach, 'tis a good plan," said Daft Wullie.

It must be powerful language if you canna make oout what the heel it’s goin’ on aboot!

Stand before your god, bow before your king, kneel before your man.

She was also, by the standards of other people, lost. She would not see it like that. She knew where she was, it was just that everywhere else didn't.