Evan Quotes

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

I am tired of angry feminists. I like my women happy, gregarious... and bathed.

First there was racism. Then liberals created institutional racism and coded racism. You can only hear it with a dog whistle.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

I was always into very androgynous things. Guys, girls... I'm into androgyny in general.

I'll hire blacks as long as they can do the cotton-pickin' job.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

As a farmer, you learn quick: You don't get anything that you don't work hard for.

If I'm going to do anything extreme, I want it to have consequences.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

It's not a bad idea to occasionally spend a little time thinking about things you take for granted. Plain everyday things.

I have no special desire to go crawl around in caves, but I really like the word [spelunking] and want to use it in conversation. I do a lot of things just to use words I like.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Believe in yourself. Believe in your own potential for greatness. Believe that you can change the world. It is something that is within each of us. Believe in the Power of One

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

I am trying to be a good person. I am trying to be myself, and if nobody likes me for me, that is their problem.

The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.

I guess creepy comes natural to me - I hate to say that.

The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams

You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.

The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.

We're like America's little pit bull. They beat it, starve it, mistreat it, and once in a while they let it out to attack somebody.

There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.

Nerves just mean that you care.

I'm a big karaoke fan and I also love Justin Bieber unashamedly.

A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.

A lot of people don't know that I'm really a silly guy. I don't take anything seriously. It takes a lot of energy for me to take something seriously.

I believe there are people out there that just have a warrior spirit, whether it's fighting or something, they've got to do it. It's hard to identify with me; it's just something I do.

You don't have to take yourself so seriously all the time.

In principle, there are only three main components of spending that much matter to monetary policy: consumer spending, business investment and exports and trade.

I used to look at horror movies as being really real and it would totally freak me out and give me nightmares. Now I watch and think, 'whoa how'd they do that?

Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.

If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.

I will not live by rules that make no sense to me

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

A true warrior can only serve others, not himself...When you become a mercenary, you're just a bully with a gun.

I love working for the people of Indiana. I love helping our citizens make the most of their lives, but I do not love Congress.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.

CDs, too. Totally corporate. They look real cheap and soulless and they don't smell of anything.

Mitt Romney is a true Mormon. John Edwards and Bill Clinton are not real Mormons. It was not 'Brigham Young' they were chanting. It was 'Bring 'em young.

In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.