I don't feel an obligation to give everyone a hard time, but when they're important people, it's fun.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

Led Zep played with light and shade, ear-splitting noise and echoing quiet. They could do it all.

I am pleased with the fitness that I have.

... as lonesome as a kitten in a wash-house copper with the lid on.

We have vexed and bothered every plant and every animal on every continent.

I was always writing scripts, and I had made several shorts, before and after film school. But I worked a variety of temp positions over the years.

Let your capital be simplicity and contentment.

All representations of a thing are inherently abstract.

America has much to gain in terms of jobs and trade by meeting the growing world demand for advanced, environmentally sound technologies.

In my experience, it's not just that serious books get a hearing on comedy shows. But serious books get a serious hearing, as well as a funny one, on comedy shows.