Ambrose Quotes
I never thought I was a bad person. I just thought I was the one good person living in a world of bad people.
There are three things in this world that will survive a nuclear explosion: Twinkies, cockroaches and Dean Ambroses.
I am an unstoppable killing machine. I am the greatest champion that ever walked the face of this planet.
There's no, 'Oh my God, somebody else is gonna come back and take my spot.' I wanna have a spot that's my spot, that nobody can take away, because nobody else is me.
Prayer is the wing wherewith the soul flies to heaven, and meditation the eye wherewith we see God.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.
When I go to Rome, I fast on Saturday, but in Milan I do not. Do you also follow the custom of whatever church you attend, if you do not want to give or receive scandal.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
The Lord was Baptized, not to be cleansed Himself, but to cleanse the waters, so that those waters, cleansed by the flesh of Christ which knew no sin, might have the power of Baptism.
Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.
An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.
OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
