You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems.

Children see magic because they look for it.

He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

If you think anyone is sane you just don’t know enough about them. The key — and this is very relevant in our case — is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.

Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair.

Nobody's perfect... Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?

Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not.

God knows what possessed me, but having that science book in my hand propelled me to immediate action. So I hit her with it.

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.

You ought to be able to wear your character like a Lycra bodysuit.

We relate all our afflictions more frequently than we do our pleasures.

Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories.

Wherever there is animal worship, there is human sacrifice.

Playing for Billy Martin is like being married to him. Right now, we're all sleeping on the couch.

What kind of a maniac needed over five thousand plates?

Viola? Keep calling for me– And I’ll keep searching for you– And I’ll find you– You bet yer life on it– I’ll find you– Keep calling for me, Viola– Cuz here I come.