You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

It’s never the value of water but thirst, it’s never the value of life but death and it’s never about the friendship but trust.

Fake love, is just as damaging as open hate.

Politics is all about dividing up the power. Washington D.C. likes to talk about spreading the wealth, but never spreading the power.

Do not be afraid to preach the gospel

I'm not afraid to swing the bat. If they elect to pitch to me, I'm going to swing. I'm not as picky as Mr. Sheffield. I'll swing at something over my head.

Instead of trying to conquer sin by working hard to change our actions, we can conquer sin by trusting Christ to change our affections.

In the concert of nature it is hard to keep in tune with oneself if one is out of tune with everything else

Until we see something that is actually wrongdoing, we're probably not going to go on a fishing trip to go see look at.

That is all that happened. Why did you hear something else?

People die, Rachel," Ceri said, her cheeks flushing. "Not if I can help it," I snapped. "And not of a broken heart. If you could, I'd be dead already.