Worry is a dividend paid to disaster before it is due

He could not just wear a watch. It had to be a Rolex.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Hope makes a good breakfast. Eat plenty of it.

You can get far in North America with laconic grunts. "Huh," "hun," and "hi!" in their various modulations, together with "sure," "guess so," "that so?" and "nuts!" will meet almost any contingency.

A gentleman's choice of timepiece says as much about him as does his Saville Row suit.

You only live twice. Once when you are born and once when you look death in the face.

History is moving pretty quickly these days, and the heroes and villains keep on changing parts.

Loneliness becomes a lover, solitude a darling sin.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Everyone has the revolver of resignation in his pocket.

Children observe everything in nature.

As you meet the needs of others, you will never lack anything.

In a genre where most of the artists are one-hit wonders, I've been able to hang around longer than most "serious" acts. I pride myself in being a very talented leech.

Waiters are like hookers, never around when you want them.

My entire life has been spent thinking about this game. That's pretty narrow... I don't view myself as a person who's well-versed in very many subjects. I'm not proud of that.

The art galleries of Paris contain the finest collection of frames I ever saw.

Just write, get better, keep writing, keep getting better. It's the only thing you can control.

Not everyone can be as successful a performer as myself, who gave 10 great performances the first time I ever did comedy, and then toiled in obscurity for years.

We're not godly because we're perfect. We're godly because we're perfectly broken.

The affection of young ladies is of as rapid growth as Jack's beanstalk, and reaches up to the sky in a night.