With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Why live unless you live large? Death is a reality, always present, waiting, with that in mind, live today, it is everything you own.

If you think someone is humble, never tell them so. You will unknowingly rob them of the very thing you admire.

What happened in America in the 1860s was a war of secession, a war of independence, no different in principle from what happened in America in the 1770s and 1780s.

I believe that discipline and self-love are the total secrets to freedom.

With people increasingly faced with turmoil, uncertainty and crisis, I wanted to create music that uplifts the listener and offers a sense of hope to prevail.

In betting on races, there are two elements that are never lacking - hope as hope, and an incomplete recollection of the past.

I never want to be a role model.

Reagan's genius as a communicator lies in his use of ambiguity. ... Ambiguity is the mother of Teflon.

The miracle of Jesus is himself, not what he said or did.

It is well to remember that grammar is common speech formulated.