With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

Witchcraft had once been widely used before cursed by the society. I see today the society presumes technology will have a different treatment.

Movement is meditation. Move to win.

Marriage is the permanent conversation between two people who talk over everything and everyone until death breaks the record.

Global consciousness is that thing responsible for deciding that pots containing decaffeinated coffee should be orange.

The image gets built one way or another... it doesn't get done by following the natural order of things, but arises instead from an order that you have in your mind.

Closure isn't closure until someone's ready to close the door.

I loved the idea of seeing the world through a boy's eyes.

Even boredom has its crises.

The most personal thing I've put in [Touch of Evil] is my hatred of the abuse of police power. It's better to see a murderer go free than for a policeman to abuse his power.

Nothing good or great can be done in the absence of enthusiasm.