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David Spade Quotes

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David Spade Quotes: "You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun."

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.



David Spade Quotes: "Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good."

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.




David Spade Quotes: "You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!"

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!



David Spade Quotes: "I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her."

I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.




David Spade Quotes: "I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary."

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.



David Spade Quotes: "Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8."

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.



David Spade Quotes: "I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder."

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.




David Spade Quotes: "Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open."

Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.



David Spade Quotes: "My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators."

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.



David Spade Quotes: "It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it."

It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.



David Spade Quotes: "To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee."

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.



David Spade Quotes: "The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there."

The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there.




David Spade Quotes: "It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops."

It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.



David Spade Quotes: "I never dated much in high school or college."

I never dated much in high school or college.



David Spade Quotes: "I have no detectable hair style."

I have no detectable hair style.



David Spade Quotes: "I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose."

I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.



David Spade Quotes: "It's brutal. I see friends when their shows don't work. Everything's riding on making money and all the pressure and how people scatter when fortunes turn downward."

It's brutal. I see friends when their shows don't work. Everything's riding on making money and all the pressure and how people scatter when fortunes turn downward.



David Spade Quotes: "I'm like a Dilbert cartoon."

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.



David Spade Quotes: "There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all."

There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.



David Spade Quotes: "In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends."

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.



David Spade Quotes: "Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It's the American way. There's really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of the 1900s, 20th century."

Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It's the American way. There's really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of the 1900s, 20th century.



David Spade Quotes: "I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car."

I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.



David Spade Quotes: "Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch."

Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch.



David Spade Quotes: "Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early."

Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.



David Spade Quotes: "It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny."

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.



David Spade Quotes: "The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?""

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?"



David Spade Quotes: "Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!"

Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!



David Spade Quotes: "I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside."

I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside.



David Spade Quotes: "It's funny because it's funny."

It's funny because it's funny.



David Spade Quotes: "As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me."

As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.



David Spade Quotes: "I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh."

I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.



David Spade Quotes: "When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow."

When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.



David Spade Quotes: "I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time."

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.



David Spade Quotes: "I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked."

I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked.



David Spade Quotes: "Single guys get a bad rap."

Single guys get a bad rap.



David Spade Quotes: "I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them."

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.



David Spade Quotes: "Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years."

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.



David Spade Quotes: "A friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant."

A friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant.



David Spade Quotes: "I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those."

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.



David Spade Quotes: "I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right."

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.



David Spade Quotes: "I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom."

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.



David Spade Quotes: "When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story."

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.



David Spade Quotes: "I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note."

I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.



David Spade Quotes: "I have two skateboards, but I don't get to use them much. I have a snowboard, which I've never used."

I have two skateboards, but I don't get to use them much. I have a snowboard, which I've never used.



David Spade Quotes: "On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week."

On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week.



David Spade Quotes: "I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world."

I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world.



David Spade Quotes: "My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends."

My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.



David Spade Quotes: "It's so crazy in Hollywood."

It's so crazy in Hollywood.



David Spade Quotes: "People come and go around you, but you're never the one getting the big stuff. I like that."

People come and go around you, but you're never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.