William Hague, the world's favourite hairline.

Multimedia? As far as I'm concerned, it's reading with the radio on!

Politics now is rather like going into Starbucks for a coffee.

In a more intellectually rigorous age, I wouldn't be talked about as a satirist at all. I would just be a topical comedian.

It is almost impossible to say the name of Thai prime minister Yingluck Shinawat without adding 'give a dog a bone'

When you consider what Tony Blair was saying about liberty, human rights and that sort of thing, it would be terribly revolutionary to sell the speeches he and Jack Straw made in 1994.

I had an Edinburgh, middle-class childhood and a public school education.

Now I'm instantly nervous about the demands of doing a weekly column.

I am just fascinated by this reassurance from a menacing figure. It is rather frightening.

Tony Blair has always said he will be judged by history. Now Alastair Campbell is history we await his judgment.

I used to do my Nelson Mandela voice to blag restaurant tables in Cape Town. It rarely worked. Now what a great city that is.

Be yourself, DO NOT ACT.

You have to take strength from the people that love you and the people that love Barbara and the huge number of expressions of sympathy and compassion and support. That has been extremely moving.

We cannot sow seeds with clenched fists. To sow we must open our hands.

People tend to repeat the same quotes at me that I said when I was 23. And of course, you say things then, and sometimes they're ill-advised.

...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.

At the heart of mankind's existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those that got there first.

And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died.

Every cubic inch of space is a miracle.

The unspoken word never defeats one. What one does not say does not have to be explained.