While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Books, like friends, shoould be few and well-chosen.

I hate him for what he's done, but I still love him for the man he was.

We have known for decades that our survival depends on finding new sources of energy. Yet we import more oil today than ever before.

In fact, the Harvard study data indicates that 70 percent of African American children attend schools that are predominately African American, about the same level as in 1968 when Dr. King died.

Losers must have leave to speak.

I do have some weeks coming up in the summer where I will actually be in my house, and I love working on new music and all of that.

When I see a cow, it is not an animal to eat, it is a poem of pity for me and I worship it and I shall defend its worship against the whole world.

Libertarians love their children at least as much as the Democrats and the Republicans, probably more.

I love to be challenged because I'm wrong a lot of the times.

All the ancient histories, as one of our wits say, are just fables that have been agreed upon