When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

I am circumcised, and I tell you something, I despise it. I despise it. I despise it... I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.

We all have music inside us and can learn how to get it out one way or another.

Words don't heal. Art heals!

. . . the weal of the race, and the cause of humanity, here and now, are enough To give life meaning and death as well.

The things that are really important to me are my man, my animals and my books. I don't need anything else.

Wow," Liv said, when I dropped the mallet back into the drawer. "That looked like fun. I call dibs on the next over-the-top destruction of evidence.

Faults in English prose derive not so much from lack of knowledge, intelligence or art as from lack of thought, patience or goodwill.

Children don't make judgments about which details are important... a child captures them all.

My daily Nespresso coffee, an unexpected shaft of sunlight through the window on a winter's day, my bargain Missoni sunglasses (70 percent off!)

I have nothing Of woman in me; now from head to foot I am marble-constant.