When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.

I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.

I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, 'Why do you want to work at Starbucks?' Uh, because my life is in shambles.

I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch Cosby Show reruns.

Don't thank the lord, I gave you that compliment... Thank me.

My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.

I don't want to die before Will Smith 'cause then I miss that awesome 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' marathon.

Acting is fun; it's easier than writing, and if you get on a [TV] show, it draws people to your stand-up. That's ultimately what I'd like to do.

There have been times I've been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, 'Time to go home.'

Be optimistic and don’t ever get discouraged or give up no matter how vain it may seem initially

It's all rather political, mourning is.

The brown paper bag is the only thing civilized man has produced that does not seem out of place in nature.

As I read the Qur’an and prayed the Islamic prayers, a door to my heart was unsealed and I was immersed in an overwhelming tenderness.

Computers have proved to be formidable chess players. In fact, they've beaten our top human chess champions.

I know I'm capable of greatness, and I'm expecting to reach that level.

You get into the habit of being angry and hurt by life, and then when something good happens you can't accept it because it doesn't fit the pattern.

I am a fox", the fox said.

I don't care about [being a star]. The most important thing for me now is just do my job.

Everybody, my friend, everybody lives for something better to come. That's why we want to be considerate of every man - Who knows what's in him, why he was born and what he can do?