When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

She wanted to run her hands over him as he whispered the impassioned corollaries of non-Euclidean geometry.

Do the things that you always wanted to, without me there to hold you back, don't think just do, more than anything I want to see you go, take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Try to create a wall of inspiration around yourself in order to succeed in life.

Solitude is creativity's best friend, and solitude is refreshment for our souls.

At Age 11, I used to listen to Madonna's Immaculate Collection every day

I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure.

I had a student ask me, "Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden?" Of course, we know the blood of Jesus Christ can save him, and then he must be executed.

Hypocrisy and distortion are passing currents under the name of religion

In fact, researchers have settled on what they believe is the magic number for true expertise: ten thousand hours.

I don't do T&A very well because I haven't got much of either.