When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

Your only responsibility as a writer is to be true to the story that has chosen you as its writer.

Don't try to follow trends. Create them.

The mind is a powerful thing. It can take you through walls.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

I have a couple of girlfriends who are like healing. We take care of each other. They know when I need to be taken care of.

As long as God lets me live, I want to do things that make a difference in the world besides play music.

Every poem is a momentary stay against the confusion of the world.

Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument an exchange of ignorance.

The purpose of civilization and growth is to be able to reach out and empathize with other people... For me, the movies are like a machine that generates empathy.