When I first came into this world, Elvis was already fat.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

When one has a grateful heart, life is so beautiful.

An actor is at his best a kind of unfrocked priest who, for an hour or two, can call on heaven and hell to mesmerize a group of innocents.

You walk around with a negative attitude and you're just naturally going to bring trouble and hard times down on yourself.

In any combat between a rogue and a fool the sympathy of mankind is always with the rogue.

My fight is not for racial sameness but for racial equality and against racial prejudice and discrimination.

I'm fine, and my hips are fine. My false knee is fine. My false hips are fine. Everything's cooking.

The existence of such an [international Islamic] army rules out the superpowers' interference in disputes among Muslim countries.

When we believe that we should be satisfied rather than God glorified in our worship, then we put God below ourselves as though He had been made for us rather than that we had been made for Him.

I'm always annoyed about why black people have to bear the brunt of everybody else's contempt. If we are not totally understanding and smiling, suddenly we're demons.