What is there to say about ChUC other than it's a comedy show done the right way in the right space. Fantastic comics, welcoming audience. Always great.

I'm not on this earth to be a goalie. I'm not here to stop somebody from accomplishing their goals. If you're not hurting anybody, I'm here to either assist or get out of the way

I eat the same way Doc Brown fuels the DeLorean at the end of Back to the Future.

It's a Vietnamese soup that answers the question, 'What happens when a former child soldier pours hot rain water over fish nightmares.' It's delicious and I can't stop eating it, that's what happens.

I was raised Catholic in the Midwest, so I cant enjoy anything.

I am somehow allowed by the universe to do exactly what I want to do to make a living.

Sometimes your dreams come true, and its a real drag.

The time that I have on this earth should just be filled with good times.

Comedy doesn't have to be loud and obnoxious and beat you over the head. It can be this really small detail that, when it computes in your brain, you think, "That's great. That's masterful."

Young writers take themselves very seriously in college.

I'm lucky I'm a comedian, 'cause otherwise my life would just be a series of undocumented low points.

Every place is the same, but we put names and numbers, build building different types... so far to remember them better and to recognize them better!

The right of petition, I have said, was not conferred on the People by the Constitution, but was a pre-existing right, reserved by the People out of the grants of power made to Congress.

The entrance strategy is actually more important than the exit strategy.

It is not that I am so clever; it is that everyone else is so stupid.

To help all created things, that is the measure of all our responsibility; to be helped by all, that is the measure of our hope.

There are two things every woman really wants: one, she wants to know that a man really loves her, and two, that he isn't going to stop.

The conditions which now exist in Germany make it impossible for industrial production to reach the levels which the occupying powers agreed were essential for a minimum German peacetime economy.

Remember this: all suffering comes to an end. And whatever you suffer authentically, God has suffered from it first.

What if we have more of the rough file, if we have less rust! Afflictions carry away nothing but the dross of sin.

Hard times and funky living can season the soul, true enough, but joy is the yeast that makes it rise.