We don't really have to make fun of religion - it makes fun of itself.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

God’s discipline has nothing to do with rejection but more to do with refinement.

Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up.

To assume that I can even begin to chart a ‘straight’ path is probably the best way I can take myself ‘straight’ to the very place I don’t want to go.

The Gods know what it is to be eternal, and they love to toy with mortals who use absolutes.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Never break a Muslim's heart by refusing what he offers you, when you know that anything that comes to you through him is in reality from Allah, and he is only His powerless and compelled means.

You dont have to vaccinate every man, woman and child in the country if you have a couple of cases of smallpox cropping up.

Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self.

But monsters, I now know, come in all shapes and sizes, and only their appetite for human flesh defines them.

Scientists tracking mirror neurons noticed that a monkey will get excited not just when holding a banana, but also when seeing someone else holding a banana.