US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

The IGAD-Plus's compromise peace agreement is probably pregnant with a noisy, perhaps thunderous baby.

Sick, twisted Abby was in love with the sick, twisted, beautiful Jake.

It's good to be selfish. But not so self-centered that you never listen to other people.

I've only had two rules. Do all you can and do it the best you can. It's the only way you ever get that feeling of accomplishing something.

Death is not the master of the house, he is only the porter of the king's lodge.

My three husbands were afraid of me. I am a very powerful woman.

The main factor in meditation is to keep the mind active in its own pursuit without taking in external impressions or thinking of other matters.

European fisheries are a disaster. The American fisheries are well-kept.

No one can live under degradation.

A landscape painting in which composition is ignored is like a line taken from a poem at random: it lacks context, and may or may not make sense.