Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

It is impossible to experience a person’s life, or to be compassionate, if you do not listen to the person or if you do not ask questions.

I've done a lot of stupid things because of my fear of taking a chance on someone. But the most stupid thing I ever did was push you away.

I'm a Republican and I'm gonna stay a Republican because they need somebody like me to stay in the Party and keep hammering away.

I don't think we should have justices appointed that decide what they want to hear. It's all about the Constitution the way it was meant to be. And those are the people that I will appoint.

The Falklands thing was a fight between two bald men over a comb.

I'm certainly not a trained singer. The only place I could probably carry a tune is my shower.

Opinion free brands simply will struggle to survive in the future - of that simple reason that we increasingly want to associate ourselves with opinionated and authentic brands.

Just because you've reached a certain level of success, that doesn't mean you've become corrupted by the system.

I use images as signifiers that point to layers of history, lost communities or a latent collective whispering within a certain context.

My idea of gambling was walking through Central Park, whistling show tunes.