Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?

You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to install separate drinking fountains.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.

Them as can do has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.

And, beginning to grind his teeth again, Pyotr Petrovich admitted that he'd been a fool--but only to himself, of course.

In Thailand's history there have been dissensions from time to time, but in general, unity has prevailed.

Ive seen the majestic beauty of nature and the overwhelming perfection of it. To me, theres nothing closer to God than that.

All that produces longing in the heart deprives it of its freedom.

If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success - but only if you persist.

What girl could fail to make a conquest who collapsed at a man's feet in the moonlight?

Would I cheat to save my soul? No. But to save my G.P.A.? Yes.

As for Ellai, she told her sister what had passed, and Nitid wept, and her tears fell to earth and became chimaera, children of regret.

There are three basic principles behind any well-designed product: truth, humanity, and simplicity.