Tofu hot dogs are actually scarier than real hot dogs. It's like wanting the worst possible meat product without even the thrill of it actually being meat.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

You can't get away from violence in drama. If you do not have conflict, you do not have drama.

President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen.

The business of obscuring language is a mask behind which stands the much bigger business of plunder.

We are made up of nothing. There is no self. We are whatever we decide we are.

As the welfare state is hollowed out, a culture of compassion is replaced by a culture of violence, cruelty and disposability.

The most important event I covered was the Panama Canal debate, which dragged on for months.

Young writers need to be encouraged to write - just write - with no restrictions on form, style or content.

What is defeat? Nothing but education, nothing but the first step to something better.

Lord, help me to remember that there are many ways to rejoice in any kind of day you make for us.