[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Yankee Stadium, it’s like everything else in this country. In Europe, they save all their old buildings for history. Here, we just tear them all down.

The fire spread from the small cinder then the flames will become strong

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

One person can bring favor to many during the storm.

If there was one formula for our success,it was that we were constantly studying how to make things work,or how to make them work better.

That is again a romantic notion: the hero. I think people enjoy a much more levelled playing field where you have the ability for many people to become heroes.

In the future as in the past, both Clausewitz and Sun Tzu will undoubtedly have a lot to offer.

So many characters are governed by the consequences of their actions, and I wanted to have a character who is the exact opposite.

I've had a lot of operations. I'm kind of like Franken-actor.

My literary success meant nothing to me