These are clearly the end times, and now we understand why the prophets warned us about the Trump of Doom.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

She's too sad to be beautiful. No one that sad can still be beautiful.

Sometimes destiny switches the cards on you so that while you're busy escaping from the dog, you find yourself facing the wolf

People buy products for what they can do, not for what they are.

A split second can ruin or boost the sequence.

The vast majority of those who are famous are not significant and the vast majority of those who are significant are not famous.

I don't care if you make a print on a bath mat, just as long as it is a good print.

In a free and republican government, you cannot restrain the voice of the multitude.

He's clean," Ritchie announced. Chance wrinkled his nose with mild distaste. "Can't say the same about you. Really, man, soap is nothing to fear.

The proper school to learn art is not life but art

I didn’t go up there to die. I went up there to live.