There is a fundamental difference, however, between asking to be permitted to keep a vegetative relative on costly machinery, and asking the taxpayers or society as a whole to pay for such machinery.

Catholic extremism should be resisted as fiercely at home as we oppose the Taliban abroad.

If God wanted teenagers to be abstinent, puberty would begin at twenty.

Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Death is easy.

Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises.

The boss is never your friend, even if you're sleeping with him.

Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history.

Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

Even a poor tour guide is entitled to some happiness.

Democracy is the government of the people by the people for the people.

In summation, like your beloved pet rock, Twitter is useful only in your imagination.

My wife's not only my best friend but she's damn hot, too.

I think that we may safely trust a good deal more than we do. We may waive just so much care of ourselves as we honestly bestow elsewhere.

Corporations are social institutions. If they don't serve society, they have no business existing

Actually, I can't imagine anything more tedious than a perfect person, especially if it was someone who also demanded perfection from me.

I love producing, I love bringing things together.

The most constant, the most powerful, and the most generous of all my enemies.

One of the most beautiful hypotheses ever propounded in physics is ... the Dynamical Theory of Gases

The anguish I always feel when she's in pain wells up in my chest and threatens to register on my face.