The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.

When money is seen as a solution for every problem, money itself becomes the problem.

People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.

The ghastly thing about postal strikes is that after they are over, the service returns to normal.

The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more.

God punishes us mildly by ignoring our prayers and severely by answering them.

Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do-fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.

To create a housing shortage in a huge country, heavily wooded, with a small population -- ah, that's proof of pure political genius.

I used to look down on the world for being corrupt, but now I adore it for the utter magnificence of that corruption.

Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.

Power is a drug on which the politicians are hooked. They buy it from the voters, using the voters' own money.

You'll have to leave my meals on a tray outside the door because I'll beworking pretty late on the secret of making myself invisible, which may take me almost until eleven o'clock.

Your ability to consummate Leadership or follower-ship brings fulfillment at each appointed time in life

I think the radio is kind of cool, because you're really free to do whatever you want, because you can go into another world. Whereas in TV, you have to make that world.

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

You do not have to be an economist to know that putting up the cost of employing someone is a pretty barking thing to do when you're trying to get out of a recession.

She was not brokenhearted because the relationship had ended suddenly; she was brokenhearted because it had never truly ended.

I live for competition. It makes my life complete.

The first video I ever made, announcing 'Crash the Super Bowl,' I did about fifty takes and I wanted to die. It was awful.

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

You can't have 'yes' people around you.