The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Any political party that includes the word 'democratic' in its name, isn't.

A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.

Repent or be damned! If you have already repented, please disregard this notice.

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

I'm not good at small talk; I'm not good at big talk; and medium talk just doesn't come up.

I want to do more television and I want to do more radio.

One day, I just got up to read a poem and started singing. I looked around - the reaction was great. And I said, oh, boy. I like this.

The Pilates Method teaches you to be in control of your body and not at its mercy.

Writers are frequently asked why they wrote their first book. A more interesting answer might come from asking them why they wrote their second one.

It is the doctors who desert the dying and there is so much to be learned about pain.

Making a different mistake every day is not only acceptable, it is the definition of progress.

Generally we waste our lives, distracted from our true selves, in endless activity. Meditation is the way to bring us back to ourselves, where we can really experience and taste our full being.

I am proud of Hillary Clinton because she has been and is a great history maker - in everything she has done.

Now the baby's in the trash heap balling.