I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Any political party that includes the word 'democratic' in its name, isn't.

A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.

Repent or be damned! If you have already repented, please disregard this notice.

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

The prospect of future lives in remote heavens as a compensation for the inadequacy of our present lives is a bad tradeoff for losing out on the present.

Each person does see the world in a different way. There is not a single, unifying, objective truth. We're all limited by our perspective.

I've always been really comfortable around athletics, I've just never been comfortable playing anything.

I would never do anything to hurt anybody, especially if they're helping me. I'm not that kind of person.

Be healthy, don't eat meat, keep away from those Night-Clubs and MEDITATE.

A free society is one in which individuals are free to discover for themselves the available range of alternatives.

It's actually very hard to find an area of the economy that doesn't fundamentally change in the measure that we are able to read and write life code.

Only God knows that. He is the only one who knows. He is only one who will know. And he is the only one who does know.

The great art of governing consists in not letting men grow old in their jobs.

To do a sequel is so weird, you don't really think about it.