The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

A cavalryman's horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this.

I never cultivated a personality. Almost everyone who is really famous has cultivated a personality.

Start wide, expand further, and never look back.

No man should desire to be happy who is not at the same time holy. He should spend his efforts in seeking to know and do the will of God, leaving to Christ the matter of how happy he should be.

There is always change, bad customs pass and give way to better ones.

I read the three Hunger Games books in a week and because I liked them so much I wrote Just a Game.

Donald Trump cannot, cannot be the man who leads the United States of America.

Part of spiritual and emotional maturity is recognizing that it's not like you're going to try to fix yourself and become a different person. You remain the same person, but you become awakened.

I tell people that I'm a Christian, but I don't think it's giving an insight into who I am or what I'm about.

I'm kind of perverse in that I think pessimism is helpful. My pessimism is my own kind of patriotism. My dissent.