The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

Savant syndrome, characteristically, consists of left hemisphere dysfunction coupled with right hemisphere emergence, and what you see in the savant are basically right brain skills.

Everyone has an idea, but it’s taking those first steps toward turning that idea into a reality that are always the toughest.

The Beatties were always arguing, it gave them an interest in life.

Acknowledgment, award, appreciation.

But if we expect justice for ourselves, we must support it for others.

We can no longer prosper by increasing human productivity. The more we try to do, the more poverty we will create.

It's all right. You guys in New York City can't get a hole in the ground fixed, and it's five years later, so let's be fair.

All I've tried to do (with my writing) is capture the essence of my time.

You fill yourself with the sharp pain of love, rather than its fulfillment.

I don't see people as groups, I see them as individuals.