The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

Every day, everywhere we are surrounded by positive things, but will you choose to see them?

I don't have a story, " I said. "I'm still waiting for one.

Every time I get a tattoo, my parents say they'll disown me. I have to get them airbrushed for Charmed. Witches don't have tattoos, I guess.

Donald Trump in a church getting interrupted by the pastor because he started attacking Hillary Clinton.

To be a small town kid from Hialeah, Fla., pitching in Miami and representing Team U.S.A., that says it all. It's a kid's dream. Don't pinch me. I don't want to wake up.

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body.

I spent the 1960s and 1970s seeking myself - the working-class tradition of self-education.

Inside every human being there are treasures to unlock.

Searching for companies is like looking for grubs under rocks: if you turn over 10 rocks you'll likely find one grub; if you turn over 20 rocks you'll find two.

Lists simplify, clarify, edify.