The character of giving advice often makes us accountable for the conduct of those we advise.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

If wealth is a magnet, poverty is a kind of repellent.

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.

Once the herd starts moving in one direction, it's very hard to turn it, even slightly.

Love is a special word, and I use it only when I mean it. You say the word too much and it becomes cheap.

It is a tragedy when the church saves money instead of saving souls. We MUST spend to save.

Work always as if you were a master, expect from yourself a masterpiece.

A man is what he is and no fancy lodgings or fine clothes will change that (Daniel Brennan)

The body will shine if the character is fine; service of man and worship of God will preserve its charm.

You should be more careful. You could have broken your neck or as big as you are landed on someone and killed them. (Tory)

The past and future / Are conquered, and reconciled.